Equals

"Since there are thousands of fairy tales, one may safely guess that there are probably equal numbers where the courage and determination of females rescue males, and vice versa."
     —Bruno Bettelheim, The Uses of Enchantment

We are only as strong as our weakest link.  This applies to relationships too.  We’ve seen a new trend in fairytales.  It used to be common to see the weak damsel in distress imprisoned in a tower, poisoned by an apple, immobilized by sleep, mistreated by a stepmother, and so on.  Then the all-powerful, ever conquering hero would sweep in and save the failing damsel.  This is a distressing and disturbing message to send to our young women who become groomed to be rescued and to our young men who are conditioned to be the rescuer.  These fairytales may be exclusively responsible for creating our co-dependent relationships we all seem to be in recovery from today! In today’s fairytales, it is socially acceptable and politically correct to see a strong heroine who equally matches her hero, and displays strength and heroic deeds to overcome the challenges.  What if both partners worked together to their best potential...what could you accomplish as a couple?  How interesting is the story when only one partner is the hero?  To reach your relationship potential it is important for both partners to be evolving and growing so the relationship can mature and have great adventures.  Not to mention, it makes for a better story when both partners get to be the dynamic heroes!

TIPS FOR LIVING AS EQUALS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP:

• Know your strengths and weaknesses in yourself so you can best compliment your partner, and share these with your partner.  Discuss how you need your partner.
• Take turns making decisions.  Making your own decisions is a mark of emotional maturity.  Having others make them for you is a sign of emotional dependency.
• Experts say it takes hearing the same thing 6 times from 6 different sources for it to stick.  How do you learn?  Reading?  Counseling? Workshops? Growing is essential to a healthy relationship.  Decide to grow so your partner doesn’t outgrow you.
• Positive Psychology experts say we need an average of 5 compliments to every negative.  Affirm and express appreciation to your partner daily. Focusing on the positives will bring out the hero in each of you.
• With your partner, celebrate what you have overcome in your relationship. This makes for a great fairytale!