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Love Fear

"Fairy tales since the beginning of recorded time, and perhaps earlier, have been a means to conquer the terrors of mankind through metaphor."
     —Jack Zipes

To love and risk being loved by the one who hurt you deeply is a familiar terror we often see replayed by the many couples we work with.  Ironically, we can’t live without love, so we are often forced to make a difficult choice:  Do I risk loving this person intimately again, or do I choose to risk loving another intimately?  Both are risky, and both require a thoughtful process before proceeding.  There is no “right” way to proceed, as everyone’s tolerance and desires vary.  Some refuse the responsibility or risk altogether by just shutting down and checking out emotionally, while they allow their body to stay present.  This has been popularly dubbed by the statements:  “Friends with benefits”; “Married but roommates” or “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”. Their bodies connect but not their hearts.  We call this “Love Fear”- The fear to love and the fear to live without love.  This is what defines a “double-bind”, which dramatically alters the stability of a person.  To love fearlessly is a quest for the courageous.  To pursue the loving heart of the one who’s broken it, and receive love from the one who’s crushed you makes a powerful fairytale.  Or to discover the one who can love you and help you heal from your love wounds. We all want our happy endings, but what are we willing to do to get that?  What are you called to?  “Faith, Hope and Love, but the greatest of these is Love.”  Love truly does conquer all.  Who are you called to love fearlessly?


  • Do a personal inventory:  Is there some Love Fear you’re dealing with? How do you want to respond?
  • Experts have tried to measure the power of love.  It has been described as a: healing agent, pain anesthetic, an agent to longevity, and the spark to ignite the ultimate sacrifices.  Imagine your relationship full of love.  What does it look, sound & feel like? Now live it.
  • To identify how you feel and express love best, check out “” to take the test. Share with your partner.
"God, may your love be evident in my love. How I speak, think, and live, may I learn how to express love fearlessly to those who have hurt me and are willing to still practice loving me. Give me wisdom in how to proceed in relationships where love is wounded or lost. May I love myself enough to seek loving relationships with others."

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