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Passionate Marriage

"The way to read a fairy tale is to throw yourself in."
     —W.H. Auden

One of the saddest events to witness in a marriage is when the marriage loses heart.  A “heartless marriage” is one without passion and zest, and we’re not just talking about sex.  Sex needs to be the extension and expression of the passion already experienced and felt in the relationship.  It is not uncommon for one partner to carry the passion and be the heart of the marriage until that person gets “relationship burn-out”.  The partner who has remained distant or passionless due to fear, uncertainty or immaturity is often unaware of the hardship and rejection this brings to the passionate partner.  Sadly, the passionate partner must do what he/she can to ignite the passion or re-focus their passion to prevent resentment and bitterness from invading their heart and suffocating their passion for life.

In order to create a story or fairytale you want to live, it requires both partners to willingly throw their heart in the marriage to keep the passion alive.  Can you imagine a fairytale where the hero was casual or indifferent to the welfare or heart of his princess?   This will look different for each partner, but passion must be a shared contribution for the marriage to thrive.  It is not enough for one partner to nurture, protect or fan the flames of passion to burn bright.  This must be a shared responsibility in order to keep the passion ignited, the heart alive in a marriage, and create a fairytale worth living.


  • Think of what or who inspires you in a fairytale.
  • If you are the one with the most passion in the relationship, request that your partner help in nurturing the passion with concrete requests instead of criticizing or complaining (compliment me, take me to out, hold me, initiate sex…)
  • If you are the one struggling to access your passion, develop passion by journaling: what excites, inspires, and interests me? What do I fear in living or being this?
  • The opposite of love is indifference; strive to keep passion alive in you to love fearlessly and passionately with your partner.
"Loving passionately means leaving fear at the door of my marriage. God, give me the strength to choose love and not fear when I relate with my partner."

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