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True Intimacy

"Those who have never known the deep intimacy and the intense companionship of mutual love have missed the best thing that life has to give."
     —Bertrand Russell

We figured since February is the month for lovers, it was a great month to talk about intimacy.  Now for most people when you mention the word intimacy, they automatically think about sex.  Although this is common, it is very short sighted and lacking when it comes to a fulfilling relationship between a man and a woman.  Most couples are seeking true intimacy in their relationship but don't really understand how to attain it.  They assume if their sex life is strong, they have the intimacy thing figured out.  But what we see with the couples in our office, this vibrant sex life soon fades if they don't have true intimacy as a foundation in their relationship.  Couples are seeking something they don't always know how to find.

In our One Kingdom series, we break down intimacy in a relationship into four categories:  Emotional, Physical, Spiritual and Relational.  Many couples who have the intimacy thing figured out, do most, if not all of these well.  Understanding how each of these creates the four wheels to your carriage is key to traveling through the fairytale of life and arriving at your happily ever after. The other key is making sure each of you is seeking and meeting these intimacy needs with mutuality.  Let us go through each one so we can all be on the same page.  Emotional intimacy involves the heart, anything that communicates and connects our hearts and emotions together.  Physical intimacy involves the body, anything that involves loving touch, embraces, kisses, and of course sex.  Spiritual intimacy involves the spirit, anything that connects the two of you to God, that deeper part of your soul and creates purpose in life.  Relational intimacy involves play, anything that allows you both to enjoy each other's company, relate to one another, laugh and have adventures together.

Now that we have explained what true intimacy is, we want to encourage each of you to take an intimacy inventory of your relationship and determine which areas may need some additional attention.  What you will start to notice, is that each area of intimacy tends to affect the other.  So the better you get at each area, the better your overall intimacy will become.  It is also important to accept that men and women very often tend to focus on different areas of intimacy in the relationship (men-physical, women-emotional), so make sure you accept each other and be sensitive to each other's unique needs and seek mutuality.


   • Take an intimacy inventory of your relationship
   • Celebrate your strong areas and commit to working on your weaker ones
   • Schedule time each week to incorporate each area of intimacy
   • Talk about each of your specific needs within the four areas of intimacy
   • Plan an intimacy retreat for the two of you to completely focus on creating and deepening true intimacy in your relationship

"God, help us to find and enjoy the deep intimacy you have created for us to experience. Give us patience for each other as we learn to grow in each area of intimacy and help us to trust and rely on You to knit our hearts, bodies and spirits together. Amen"

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